Bad Dreams.

I've had really bad dreams for as long as I can remember. Very rarely do I dream about "regular" stuff. I have nightmares probably 99% of the time. My memories of strange dreams and seeing strange things goes back to when I was small enough to be in my crib. I would see these shadow figures on the wall in the middle of the night. They always looked strangely familiar. I wouldn't be scared, but I would feel uncomfortable and just stare at them. As I got older I would hear and see these "little" people. They would only come to me when I was at my grandparents house. They looked just like humans but super tiny. Maybe about a two inches tall. They would tell me to do bad things like burn the house down or runaway or tell me I needed to hurt myself. Of course I never did any of that. Thank God I knew better. Around this same time I was always having dreams where I would be floating up around my bed spinning really really fast. And then I would fall and wake up and my bed would be shaking. I would see shadow people on the walls and hear whispering. Still they were strangely familiar and not too frightening. It all seemed to come to a stop when I was around 13. I never gave it much thought although it would cross my mind from time to time. In 1999 I went into the Air Force. In boot camp I woke up one night and went up to a drill instructor and starting asking her where everyone was. I was sleepwalking. This was my first known experience with that. The funny thing is that I remember waking up and seeing everyone gone, or so I thought, and running around until I saw her. I was freaking out because I really thought everyone was gone. It was like I was awake and knew I was sleepwalking but I couldn't come out of it. Like I was stuck in my dream state even though I knew I was sleepwalking. Make sense? I was reprimanded in a way and told that I may have to change jobs if this continued. My security clearance could have been jeopardized. For a few years it never happened again. That brings me to 2008. We moved to Oklahoma. And it all started again. It seems like I was sleepwalking almost every night. One time I even lined up all my purses in my bedroom and just stared at them. Crazy? Yes! I would find myself in the hallway, in the kitchen, in the living room, everywhere. I would see the electrical plug in the bedroom was on fire and I would try to put it out. I would see the ceiling falling down on me and totally freak out. I would think someone was after me and try to run but couldn't move. I would hear voices and see weird lights and shadows moving towards me. I can't explain how frightening it always was. I was always in a state where I knew what I was doing but couldn't control it or make myself come out of it. My dreams were always about almost dying. We moved to this new house in October of last year. From day one there was a creepy feeling in this one corner of the house between my office and front door. I always got this feeling someone was there watching me. The other night I was in a sleepwalking state and saw a shadow reflection in my mirror. The mirror attached to my chest of drawers. I knew it was a man. He was dark black and just standing there like he was watching me. I couldn't see through him. I closed my eyes hoping it was just my imagination. When I opened them again he was standing next to my side of the bed. I could just see the dark black, almost like tar, outline of him. I had this overwhelming feeling of dread and closed my eyes and turned my back to him. I tried to say Alberto's name but I couldn't breathe, much less speak. I just knew this black figure was going to kill me. I have never been so afraid in my life. I have never experienced the feeling of pure dread. I couldn't move, I couldn't scream, I couldn't do anything. Finally I was able to move my left thumb just enough to tickle Alberto's arm. I was hoping it would wake him up since he's a light sleeper, but he just turned over. I guess I eventually fell asleep. It is so vivid in my memory though. I am still pretty creeped out. I don't normally talk about these occurrences. I always felt alone and felt that no one would understand what I go through on a regular basis. I don't want to be labeled as schizophrenic. I know I'm crazy, but not like that. Ha, ha. So, when I told Alberto about the shadow and my feeling of dread he sent me a link from Wikipedia about shadow people. When I read it I knew it was talking about me and my experiences. I spent a few hours reading about it and the different names and sure enough I have sleep paralysis. I just know that has to be it. And thousands upon thousands of people experience it just like me. In some of the stories I read they talk about seeing flashing/streaming lights around the room just like I experience. Almost everything these people said is the same thing I see. There have been some really severe cases reported and I'm lucky not to be one of those. Finally I don't feel alone in this. I even was able to find some good exercises I can do before going to sleep that have been helping. I also realized that these dreams only come when I am sleeping on my back. I haven't been sleeping as well lately because I've been tossing and turning making sure I never am on my back. It's quite annoying but so much better than feeling like I am going to be killed my some demonic looking creature/person. I am so relieved I know what is going on and it can somewhat be explained. Phew *wiping forehead*. I think I'm in the clear from being committed :)