Jun 14, 2010
Something's Missing.
Do you ever feel like there is something missing in your life? From time to time I get that feeling. Today is one of those days. It's dark and pouring rain. My mind keeps drifting. I have so much yet I want so much more. I keep getting this overwhelming feeling that I may have a brother or sister out there somewhere. Little back story: I don't know my father. Shortly after I was born he went to prison. I found him at the age of 15 but didn't move forward or let him know I knew where he was. I found him again at the age of 22 and we wrote letters back and forth. Nothing ever came of it. We started writing again when I was 26. All he seemed to want is money, so I stopped writing. I received a phone call on my 29th birthday from a pastor at a half way house telling me my father was out of prison and wanted to know if I wanted a relationship. I told them I needed some time to think and I would get back with them. Next thing I know he is gone and no one will give me a straight answer as to if he is back in prison or just left the half way house. My point of this post was not to get all into this about my father so I will move on. Family. There must be some out there. I want to find them. I wonder if they've tried looking for me? I've moved around so much I may be a hard person to track. I just always think of how much fun it would be if I had siblings. And, it would be nice to know the medical history of the other half of me. Of course there is always the chance that they would all be crazy and it may have been a good idea to not find them. But, that is a chance I am willing to take. I emailed a couple of people I found on Facebook that are in the general Fort Worth area with the last name. It is not too common, especially the spelling so I'm hoping I get some leads. I am very blessed to have friends in my life who I consider "family" and who we jokingly say are sisters and brothers from another mister/mother. LOL! This is just another adventure in my crazy fun life.
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3 comments:
Something drove me to read this today.... I don't know if you remember, but at the last time that we had seen each other, I had never met my "real" Mother, never even had seen a picture of her. I put a message on a couple of family tree bulletin boards, years later I got a reply from someone that knew my Mother. She sent me pictures of her as a teenager, she looked just like Chrysteena! Identical! So I did get in touch with my Mother, hoping for that "magical" relationship -- which it seemed like we had, for about 3 years. I had noticed in that 3 years some of the personality "flaws" that other people had spoken of her, flaws that all THREE of us children also seem to have! She was nice enough, but after 38 years, it was obvious to me that I wasn't really a part of her life, and, another thing happened that I didn't think was very nice, but I did try to nicely confront her with it, never heard from her again. So, I found out in that time that I had a younger sister, who I'm sure still to this day does not know that I exist, and, that I had an older brother, which I had already known about. About 6 months ago I found my "brother" on Facebook, I had never known his name until a couple of years ago, so I finally got up the nerve, of course, he never even knew I existed. He had not met our Mother until he was into his 30s, as well, but had known about her early in life, as I did. I quickly found out that my brother is more of a freak than I am!! But very smart, and we do think a lot alike when it comes to a lot of things. He and I don't have any "bright" future as brother and sister, but we do talk and comment, occasionally. My younger sister is incarcerated, seems to have been a problem her whole life, but I do fully intend on getting in touch with her one day to see if she would like any type of relationship. I was given up twice by Mother, as well, so I guess what I'm trying to say here is "is there something missing" -- probably not!
Yes, I vaguely remember that. My thing is that I will regret not trying to find out. My father put in a letter once that I "don't have any I should concern myself with." I read this differently each time I look at it. I know the chances of me having a relationship with them if they exist is slim, but I have to know. I have to make the effort. I can't go on just thinking about it.
I totally agree with you. I know that feeling well. Keep me posted!
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